We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
