I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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