We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
