Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
