The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
