Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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