No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
