last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
