HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
