smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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