obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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