Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
