It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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