Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
