Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
