speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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