and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
