I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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