I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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