Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
