wrigley field is MILF paradise
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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