i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
