I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
