Do you still have your period?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
