got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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