I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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