How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
