It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
