Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
