Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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