we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
