he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
