i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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