do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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