She is in my trunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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