Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
