Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
