; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
