So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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