You smell like stripper and shame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Randomize
