what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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