woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
