i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
