I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
