wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
