all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
false alarm, still single
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
