I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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