I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
