and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
