I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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