I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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