we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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