Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
