I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
