Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
