my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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