sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
